It's an unfortunate part of the video game business that a lot of what hits store shelves is marginally decent, mediocre or just downright horrible.
Shelling out between $40-$70 for a game is an investment of sorts: you pay the money to be entertained, and maybe even as insurance so that you don't throw your controller in times of frustration. New controllers aren't cheap, after all.
And yet, as great a crop of games as there was in these past 12 months, there have been some real duds in the mix, too. Some were hyped and turned out to be real disappointments, while others with lower expectations managed to sink right through them and smack into the bottom of the barrel.
Dishonourable mentions must go out to Activision's Soldier of Fortune: Payback for giving gamers a forgettable experience that includes useless over-the-top gore. Ubisoft proves - again - that the world of CSI doesn't translate all that well into a video game. It may be from the Vegas crew, but perhaps a CSI game might have a chance if it's laced with cutscenes of Horatio putting (and taking off) his sunglasses in Miami, while mouthing one of his patented one-liners. Not to mention Ubisoft's train wreck of a game in Far Cry Vengeance for the Wii. You know there's trouble when a Wii game would look just as terrible on the GameCube. And for those poor souls who picked up TMNT for the PSP or DS, I hope you exchanged or traded it in already.
Ghost Rider turned out to be just as depressing and boring as the droopy expression fixated on Nicolas Cage's face. Microsoft's Project Sylpheed is like an updated space invaders, except for the spiky-haired characters who could've just as easily been placed in a cartoon that never made it past the pilot episode. And while 300 may have been a slick movie to watch, the PSP game is anything but. How much can you possibly mash on the same buttons and still have the mighty Leonidas get a spear in his back?
And there's more where all those came from, but the 10 in this list make all of those look a little bit better this year:
10 Spider-Man 3 (PS3, Wii, Xbox 360)
Publisher: Activision
Developer: Treyarch
I wasn't a big fan of the Spider-Man 2 game Activision put out back in 2004 (I thought Ultimate Spider-Man was much better), and my worst fears were realized with Spider-Man 3. Webswinging around an open and breathing rendition of New York City is great unto itself, but not when it's overshadowed by the nonsense that goes on in this game.
For one, the graphics are deplorable by current-gen standards. How is it that Peter Parker can look like he's got a huge head and the eyes of a total drug addict? And what's with the drab modeling across the board? Every character looks like a mannequin with moving lips, while cars all look the same, except for the different paint jobs. The overall look of the city is also terribly dull. It may be a city that never sleeps, but NYC looks pretty boring here.
Things just get out of hand once the Lizard makes his appearance. The twist the story takes is so ridiculous, it almost seems like something that was slapped together over a drinking wager at a bar. And it just continues to slide downhill from there.
This is a very disappointing game from start to finish. Well, that's actually assuming that you could even get anywhere near the finish line.
9 Beowulf (Xbox 360, PS3)
Publisher: Ubisoft
Developer: Ubisoft Tiwak
Movie-licensed video games are becoming a theme on this list, even though Beowulf isn't the worst of the bunch. But seeing as how it made the cut, there isn't a whole lot of good to say about it, either.
Here's the problem: Beowulf has some gorgeous visuals, with sprawling environments and good character models. But when those characters actually start interacting with each other, the whole foundation of the game comes tumbling down. Controlling the Thanes (Beowulf's loyal cannon fodder) is easy enough because you just can't tell them to do all that much. Aside from rallying on you or attacking en masse, there isn't a whole lot of strategy to go around here. Of course, it is worth a good laugh when you hear them sing - in profanity-laced poetry - in order to get the giant monster Grendel going for a big showdown.
And things start to get cheap when weapons break after only a few hacks. Funny how that doesn't seem to happen as easily for your enemies. Pick up one of their weapons and you'll be lucky if you get a second chance with it, since it'll likely just crumble after the initial attempt.
This game might appeal to people who like the movie or have a general interest in all things Beowulf, but it just comes up short in too many areas for everyone else to really care.
8 Tenchu Z (Xbox 360)
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Developer: K2
Tenchu Z is one of those games that leaves you scratching your head only 20 minutes in. And that trend continues unabated after hours of playing this one, which can best be described as a complete waste of time you'll never get back.
Playing as a ninja can be great fun, as the venerable Ninja Gaiden franchise has proved for 20 years. But when the "ninja genre" is turned upside down by a title that lacks all sense of direction and purpose, you have to push all the right buttons to eject the disc and never put it back in the tray.
You play a ninja that kills seemingly innocent government bureaucrats with the same ruthlessness as the gangsters and other perceived bad guys he rips into. I say "rip" because the littlest prick from a knife or sword turns the victim into a raging hemophiliac. Since when can a guy still move to hit me when there's a fountain of blood raining out of him? It makes zero sense, and that's just one example of the implausibility in Tenchu Z.
Throw in the repetitive stealth kills and the laughable AI, and you get a game that should never have made it past the cutting room floor.
7 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (Wii, Xbox 360, PS3)
Publisher: Disney Interactive Studios
Developer: Eurocom
The more I play games based on this popular franchise, the more I realize that Jack Sparrow might not have a place in this business. Not one Pirates game has been good, and the Wii version of At World's End is easily the worst of this bunch. If not for the typical chatter coming out of Jack, it would resemble a game that was in its first beta stage.
The problem is that Jack isn't as vocal in the Xbox 360 version. This guy is like Peter Parker and John McClane all rolled up into one, albeit with a pirate costume. How could he resist quipping and taunting while dueling with someone? Jack Sparrow is all about that. It's a shame, too, since the Xbox 360 version has good visuals, and good voiceovers which only add to the experience (even if they aren't from the real actors). The Wii version, on the other hand, is a broken game in almost every way.
I've never had an easier time taking out enemies in succession, particularly with the exact same move each and every time. Slash twice, the guy turns around, and you stick it to him in the back. He's down for the count, and you get to do that over and over again for hours and hours. Doesn't sound like a ton of fun, does it?
6 Lair (PS3)
Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment
Developer: Factor 5
It wasn't supposed to be this way for Sony and this game. It had a lot of potential upside and was touted by Sony as a real winner for 2007, but with its broken gameplay, frustrating controls and endless cutscene interruptions, Lair will surely find its way to the bargain bins very soon (if it hasn't already).
The control scheme tries to make use of the PS3's SixAxis motion-sensored controller, but instead forces you to try your hardest not to throw it against the wall out of frustration. See, the controls in Lair are like that kid who goes on a tantrum and does the complete opposite to upset his or her parents. You want the game to do something, but instead it throws you a curveball and takes you on a ride onboard a dragon to certain death. Now imagine that scenario playing out repeatedly. Yup, that's Lair for you.
The best are the faceoffs between the dragons. It's like Rocky staring down Drago, only with claws instead of boxing gloves. Oh, and the fact that you have no real clue how to win the fight doesn't help matters much. Mashing buttons seems to be the only way, and with the odds being pretty even, you could probably take bets from friends on who wins. Now that I think of it, it's almost like cockfighting with dragons' tails. And the best part is that this one would be legal.
5 Transformers: The Game (PSP)
Publisher: Activision
Developer: Savage Entertainment
The Transformers movie may have been a blockbuster at the box office, but the video games that preceded it were either halfway decent, or in the case of the PSP version, outright embarrassing. The lack of a second analog stick hurts this game, but nowhere near as badly as the second-rate production values.
You could excuse a glitch here and there when watching the old cartoon episodes from the 80s, but what happened here? How could an Autobot or Decepticon transform without any animation showing it? One frame, they're standing, and the next frame, they're in vehicle mode. They may be robots in disguise, but they're not that good. And for some reason, the controls change completely between the modes, too. Shouldn't I be able to fire my weapon with the same button, regardless of what mode I'm in? Not here you can't.
The fighting system is just lame. The lock-on reticle always seems to miss its target, and because the animations are so poor, you can't really tell if your enemy is taking damage or just toying with you. Overall, the game looks like it missed the mark in almost every way. This one is best left for the scrapyard, which in gaming terms should be the bargain bin.
4 Hour of Victory (Xbox 360)
Publisher: Midway
Developer: nFusion
World War II shooters have become a genre unto themselves, thanks to the popularity of the Medal of Honor and Call of Duty franchises. But when a wannabe upstart like Hour of Victory comes along, you realize why there are so many WWII titles - and so many reasons not to play them all.
It starts with a good premise in an alternate storyline where the Nazis are on the cusp of building a nuclear bomb, with your squad being tasked to put it out of business. But it's all downhill from there. You've got German troops who have no idea what's going on, resembling a fighting force that should have no business even occupying a barracks, much less entire countries. The controls are a total mess, with sensitivity settings all over the map, usually culminating in painfully slow movements.
The visuals are also sub par, to say the least. Hour of Victory has parts that look like they were drawn in by a kid who missed his colouring book. The framerate is also choppy, making the game look worse than it already does. This needed a lot more than polish; it needed to go straight back to the drawing board.
3 Vampire Rain (Xbox 360)
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Developer: Artoon
If Spinter Cell's Sam Fisher ever had a clone, the clown who passes for the protagonist in this game would fit the bill perfectly. Except the only difference is that Sam is cool, and his job makes more sense than whatever it's supposed to be in Vampire Rain.
Hey, it's true that Sam could take on a lot of guys, but even he would probably opt out of this assignment. The forgettable lead player here is a special ops guy who carries only a single pistol. And with that golden gun of his, he's expected to take down a sea of "nightwalkers", which is pretty much a euphemism for vampires, though I'm not sure the whole daylight thing applies here. You could have a tank in this game and it wouldn't make a difference. Who knew that becoming a bloodsucker gave you all those great things we want in life: super speed, strength and the chance to have your favourite meal over and over.
Killing these guys is like a pure crapshoot. You can fire at them, and they could be gnawing at your neck in no time. Considering the epidemic of epic proportions, you know the story is heading in the wrong direction when there's no military mobilization, and the fate of a huge city (Los Angeles) rests in the hands of our forgettable lead and a few of his cohorts. Forgettable characters, a forgettable story and forgettable production values make this easy pickings for the "Please buy me" bin.
2 Star Trek: Conquest (Wii, PS2)
Publisher: Bethesda Softworks
Developer: 4JStudios
I feel bad for Trekkies who went out and bought this game. It's Star Trek in name only, and hardly resembles anything good about its mythos.
The Federation is okay with wiping out another race in genocidal rage, just so they can take over a planet? Doesn't make any sense at all, and it's really just a microcosm of everything that's wrong with the game. You'd think Picard would have a real tough time advocating or condoning that kind of a bloodthirsty approach. Oh, that's right, he's not even in this game, and neither are the other key characters from The Next Generation. No, instead, you get the red-shirted grunts taking the lead on all command posts.
I was never a huge fan of the show, but I know enough that diplomacy was a central theme. You don't get any of that here. No, here it's victory or death, with little regard to what happens to innocent, neutral planets. This is a strategy game devoid of any actual strategy. Combat is pretty much made up of awkward turn-based shootouts, and even then, it just comes across like a computer game from 10 years ago.
This game is a travesty to the license and should be avoided at all costs by anyone even remotely thinking of spending money on it.
1 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (DS)
Publisher: Take-Two Interactive
Developer: 7 Studios
Even though almost every other platform had a game featuring the Fantastic Four, I'm picking on the DS version of this game for a lot of reasons. It's a game that proves any real lack of imagination and common sense can lead to disastrous results - as well as some lost time and money for those unlucky enough to have actually bought this.
Just as it's hard to find a game that can be considered "perfect", it's arguably just as hard to find one that has absolutely no redeeming qualities of any kind. Well, maybe in the case of this game, its box could be used as a coaster or door-stopper. It's just so supremely awful in every way, shape and form. Whether it's the bland platforming or atrocious overhead missions with the Human Torch, this is an experience that never fails to disappoint. You could play your own mini-game by betting on whether or not the buttons you press actually translate into the right moves onscreen.
If button-mashing were an art, this game might stand a chance, but since it never will be, it just goes down as brain-dead gameplay. This game is so bad it doesn't even qualify for a hand-me-down. Picking on a younger sibling is par for the course, but putting them through this kind of torture would be cruel and unnecessary punishment. After all, who would want to pay $30-$40 for a game that displays graphics unsuitable for even the Game Boy Advance?
The DS may have the Brain Age games to test your mind, but games like FFRotSS can just as easily test your sanity. Avoid this one like the plague because you'll see copies of it fester in bargain bins for a long time to come.
Source:
PCWorld
